Noisetheorem

Today I had a revelation of sorts. But first I have to tell you about yesterday.

Yesterday I went to talk to my financial advisor. She is really smart and really good, and I think that over the long run, I will probably be much better off for having known her. I told her about my current possibilities and certain other parts of my situation. She says she really does think I am a good candidate to be pretty well off and maybe even get to early retirement. It all sounds nice, but well see. I tend to be pessimistic as a defense mechanism.

All the talk about finances and retirement and all those other things got me thinking about the concept of ‘the good life’, and what that means.

Today I came home from work, went to the post office, and went online. I talked to a couple of friends and sent out some email. Usual drill. I also cleaned my shower/bathtub because it needed to be done. When that was finished, I ordered a Pizza (large cheese with extra cheese from Amattos…and a liter of coke). The pizza got hear, and I put in a movie.

Sitting in front of the TV, I looked around. I love the place I live. Not just my appartment, but the whole town. Its location is perfect. My landlord is great, they dont try to screw me and are understanding allmost to the point where I have to make sure I dont take advantage of them. Ive got friends all over and they are close. Ive got friends far away that I can talk to. There is a woman with whome I am smitten, and I feel may be getting smitten by me. My art is flowing. My bills are paid. Ive got everything I need in arms reach, or a phone call away. I live well within my means, and my means seem to be expanding beyond that. Things just seem to keep getting better.

Yes. This IS the good life. anything on top of this is just icing on the cake.

You know what pisses me off about open source software: online documentation done in the form of hypertext documents. I cant stand them. I want a BOOK with instructions and examples and tutorials. I want pictures, I want it sitting in front of me, and I want it bound. I want to know that a tree gave its life for my learning.

Today I embarked on an attempt to learn QT Designer, and I cant find any documentation that suits my preferences. Of course, everyone out there keeps saying that the online documentation is great…yeah…but what if YOU HATE HTML BASED DOCUMENTATION. I also hate PDF’s, because most people dont take the time to index them, which is almost worse than an HTML based version.

I hate to admit it, but Ill be the last guy to convert to e-books. I just dont like reading with a mouse and clicking and all that crap. I could print them out, but you never get an index that way, which in my opinion is the most important part of the book.

Someone needs to start writing books about how to develop for linux and do it in a way that will make sense. My biggest problem with linux so far is that it seems to be setup with the idea that you already know what you are doing, and where you are going. I think the reason that Apple and Microsoft have prospered as much as they have is because they go from the approach of you being an absolute idiot. techs find that insulting, and hence their preference toward the more difficult systems. sometimes I think techs like things just because they ARENT user friendly.

*sigh*…

Maybe Ill join forces with my publisher friend and get my linux guru friends to write me some books. That could work.

Well..the project is finished. Its done enough to call finished anyway. Now I can take a break.

I decided to sit down and make a mix for someone last night. I am listening to it now, and I am not so sure I should give it to them. My choice of songs is..well…easily misinterpreted. I also know I need to change at least one track. it just doesnt fit. I shouldnt worry so much about missinterpretation. So far this person as has been amazingly good at understanding where I am coming from. they just seem to get it.

Right now its on Two cd’s for demoing. I think Ill tranfer it to tape. Tape is just so much a sexier format that cd for mixes – it takes more time to work with and more care, and that fuzzy noise just adds to it. Its hard to find myself saying this, but I think I am starting to get on a bit of a retro kick.

well..anyway…of to work.

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Song List:

I am so tired today. I cant get my brain started. I was up extremely late working and talking online. Met a ‘normal girl’ with more tattoo’s than could be counted easily (as she termed it, she had ‘enough’).

I like talking to people. I like the internet chat format. It gives me something to do while I am otherwise just plugged into the machine. And with whats going on with my work, I need that more and more.

I am hoping to get out to the happy hour this evening. I could use a drink and some company. Thursday is going to royally suck, but I am determined to get it all done (I have a potential visitation with the new lady friend at the shedd that I dont want to miss).

well, I should get out. I need to go file the papers for the divorce today. whee.

Well, something huge is happening at my primary client. something that if it does happen, it could mean a radical life change for me. I dont yet know if its a good thing or a bad one. I know I am loosing my vacation that I had set for next month..that sucks.

Im working a suicide shift today. I have 48 hours to finish something that in my mind takes twice that. lets see if I suprise myself..

Dave and I worked on some music this afternoon. we started a damn good track, which has no title but is going to be a new genre we are calling ‘punktech’. basicaly, its short, agressive and very simple tunes all done using simple synthes and simple drum machines. like early EBM and a lot of screaming. Dont worry…I doubt we will ever actually release this stuff (though it does serve as a type of release).

I am glad to have taken some downtime this weekend. I needed it badly. I am starting to feel myself again – ready to get back to work and back on track. I cant wait till my full vacation.

*sigh*…I am tired. its been a big long weekend.

Yes, I admit that I am smitten. the more I think about sharon the more I like sharon. the more I know about her the more I want to know, and the more i see her, the more I want to see her. Its like a drug in a way.

In truth I feel in awe of her. She is successful on her own terms – completely self sufficient, and completely autonomys . at the same time, however, I sense an underlying sensitivity that draws me in. She doesnt need me in her life, that much is obvious. Yet she chose to be with me last night, and every night that we have seen eachother so far. that is different, and that is unique. It really is a different feeling.

I really look forward to my next encounter with her. And I am trying to figure out what I can do for her. I really want her to know that I am not just out for a thrill, and that last night was special for me – I dont know if I made that clear to her. It was my first post-marital ‘encounter’, and more than that it was the first time in a long time I really felt comfortable with someone. I felt totaly relaxed, and also completely in control of myself and my actions. It was really a moment for me.

I am trying now to think of some way to show her my appreciation of her. to let her know that I really am happy that I met her and that, whatever the future may hold, I will remember her. I will associate her with martinni’s and carrot cake ice cream, and the animiatrix, and all of those other things. Moving hear has been like a second birth for me – a second start at life. I am so glad that she is the one that I met at this time in my life. Maybe its all just afterglow. maybe its all just lust and infatuation. Whatever it is, I want her to know I thank her for this feeling. she truely is a one of a kind.

Well, its late, and Ive got a nice lazy sunday ahead of me. lots of sleep and work in the studio. ahh…life…it is good.

Ok, folks…Tony has a date tonight. Everybody get your mojo sticks and give them a few good shakes on my behalf. I am a bit on the nervous side.

The date will consist of getting dinner at an as yet undecided location, and then coming back to my apt. for a private showing of ‘The Animatrix’. She is a bigger matrix freak than I am, so this is a good choice. I hope she isnt bothered by the ‘intensity’ of some of the images.

so here goes nothing I guess. learning this all again is kind of fun. Kind of like that thrill
you get when your car hydroplanes and turns a full 360 several times before hitting a snowbank. Your really really scared for a few seconds, and then you just feel all giddy when you dont die.

Anyway, Ill probably post hear drunkenly with the results…or maybe I wont..well just have to see.

I.

HATE.

Cabbage.

Those of you who know, understand. The rest will have to ask.